Hi this is me!!!!

I am a 32 year old momma to 4 kids.  Well technically only 2 are mine and if you want to be critical I only have one kid.  I say this because my oldest is in the custody of my ex-husband.   Aaron is my oldest and just turned 11. He is the child I could not wait to have.  I wanted one person who would love me for who I was and not someone they wanted me to be.  Turns out in the end, he wanted to live with his father.  That is not to say he does not love me because I know he does but it still stings when at 3 he chose his daddy.   We split the kids so my ex would not have to pay child support and I was too afraid at that time to challenge him.   My next child is Lacey.  She will be 9 in November.  She was the child I did not expect to have.  About the time I got pregnant with her, I was getting ready to leave my ex-husband.  I had spent many years being abused and I had had enough of it. I was ready to leave and even had an exit plan. I stayed because I got pregnant.  I don't blame Lacey for the reason I stayed.   I was the one who did not insure I did not get pregnant.   Lacey has become my prized child.  When I left her dad she was 15 months and I think since I had had my tubes tied (because her dad forced me) I knew she was the child that would be the one that I would pin all my hopes and dreams on. I idolize her and would sacrifice my whole being for.  She became everything that Aaron was not.  I have two step-children. The first I will be mention is Erin due to there is more to the story of Todd.  Erin is 6 weeks younger than my Aaron.  She is smart and funny and very artistic.  Her and Lacey have grown up like sisters.  When I got with her dad Erin was 3 1/2 so they think they are sisters.  They fight and love each other the same even if they do not show it all the time.  Todd is 13 and there is a back story to him.  Roy and I dated 14 years ago in high school.   During a date with the children's mother to say goodbye, Todd was created.  Roy was going to the air force and the children's mother and him were friends so they went to dinner.  I thought nothing of it...I knew he loved me and she was not his type. Back to Todd though because I will get to Roy in a minute. Todd is 13 and a very good kid.  He has hit puberty and I love him and his sister. He plays baseball and tried his hardest at everything he does and he is great taking care of the girls.  He considers Lacey his sister and I love him very much for it.  I never have a problem out of him.  He has been mine since he was six and while I am not his mother he is very loyal to me.  

When I comes to Roy there is a whole lot of story.  I met him when I was 17. He had a girlfriend but I really did not care.  She was two years younger than us and I knew I was better for him.   He flirted with me and that was all I needed.  Little did I know he is a big flirt but he made me feel special and that is what I needed then.  We had homeroom and American Government together.  We also shared lunch but he ate that with his girlfriend. American Government was a joke of a class but I did not really care.  It was time spent with Roy and all we really did was pass notes.  The first time I ever got an inclination he really liked me was homecoming. He had asked me if I had a date and I said no because I was not the most popular in school.  I had never had a date for any major dance. So he promised to dance with me even tho his gf was going to be there.  I went to homecoming and he did dance with me and it pissed her off.  But I could not care. The way I felt in his arms and him being close to me was all I needed. He eventually broke up with gf and there was still issues.  He didn't want to date anyone since he was going into air force after high school or so he said.  So I told him we could be friends even tho I literally wanted to die.  How could I be so close and still not get what I want? I still talked to him and flirted and I am not sure what changed his mind but he wanted to date.  So on February 4th we started dating.  He was the first person I ever slept with and I loved him very much.  If it was not for the whole baby momma thing I think we could have lasted.  He went to the air force.  I wrote him every day and back then there was no email so I literally wrote him letters every day. I went to Texas when he graduated basic and when I got back he told me she was pregnant.  I wanted to die and thought I was going to die. I offered to even raise the child if he would stay with me.  I know it is desperate but I was 18 so what do you expect?  He married the mother and I met my children's dad.  I married him because I did not want to be alone. He abused me from the beginning but I was too scared to leave and had nowhere to go.  I had Aaron and then had Lacey.  When Lacey was a year old, he started working in Tn and was gone through the week.  I realized then I could do it on my own so I was working on an exit plan again.  I was in school and Aaron was in preschool.  So the plan was to leave at end of school. I saw in the newspaper that March that Roy's marriage had ended and I could not contain my happiness. I found his sister on a website to find your old school friends by accident. I sent her an email and within a day Roy had a profile. It seemed like destiny.  We spent 7 hours one night on the phone catching up.  I saw him the following week and granted we had both changed I still was in love with him.  We would steal moments together as much as we could.  I told my husband that I was done and not longer in love with him.  We drew up divorce papers and he signed them.   I left him in April and ended up moving in with Roy to be safe from my ex.  Roy and I got married the following year on February 4th.

 We have been married for over 6 years and we do have problems but it is nothing like I had with my previous husband.  I love Roy very much and we are trying to make a life for our children.